Join us for the next round of our Relational Recovery Group, Journey Back to Me, starting July 16, 2024.

Do you find yourself unfulfilled in your relationships?

Have you noticed, it seems like you can’t do anything right in your relationships? Are you tired of being alone, or, tired of being lonely while in a relationship?

Relationships are hard. So often, behaviors and patterns from childhood and family culture heavily impact present day life. Even with the attempt to try so hard not to let it. Whether it’s friendships, partnerships, marriage, or even relationships with family of origin. A relational component creates a sense of insecurity. Often times, it sounds like, “damned if I do, damned if I don’t”. Insecurity can develop into patterns of anxiety and worry. Therefore, something that already felt “hard” increases in intensity.

Relationships start out so g-o-o-d! Let’s first look at a romantic relationship that begins with dating. Often times, the more connection the stronger the intensity of the relational component. Whether it’s spending more time together or longer deeper conversations. It’s so warm, cozy, and mushy…until it’s not. What happens? Where does the connection and patience go? Why all the sudden am I no longer funny but everything I say is annoying? There’s an imaginary line that gets crossed and suddenly the relationship went from, can’t get enough, to can’t get a way.

Let’s talk about friendships. In my relationship with my bestie, there is a slower relational progression. At least, comparatively speaking. The smaller my friend group, the more enmeshed or close the relationship became. Often times, the relationship becomes more confusing the more people are added or introduced. People create chaos as it’s harder to determine who is the priority. Being a lack of priority for most of us is a trigger for one’s back story for example. For example, Friend A chose Friend C over Friend B. Friend B is triggered her childhood. In her family of origin she was maybe never as good as her older sister. Thus, it is a trigger and created a barrier in the relationship. Therefore, the friendship becomes a pressure cooker. The longer it sits the worse it gets.

Many ask, how does friendships qualify as “relationship trauma”. Easy, codependency is considered a relationship language. Well, that term is coined by a fellow traveler, Amber Tolbert. Since codependency is such a broad topic, it’s more digestible to view it as a language. If one struggles from emotional needs not being met from childhood, that won’t just show up in romantic relationships. Therefore, the struggle will show up in ALL relationships (friends, acquaintances, colleagues, partners, etc).

How “self” is lost, the consequence of Relationship Trauma

When the path is unclear, confusion and fear abound. Guilt, shame, lack of identity, low self-esteem and self-worth, perfectionism, disconnection, the past showing up in the present – all of these and more get in the way of our ability to see clearly and know which path to take in life. This begins to show up in our relationships as the barriers that keep me from experiencing authentic connection. One must know where they are to know where they are going. The journey starts with discovering the relationship between You and You.

Join us for Journey Back To Me, a Relational Recovery Group series. This is a virtual, 8-week psychotherapy group that is offered twice a year. Participants must be screened before joining, and a commitment to all 8 weeks is required. Investment is $100 per group session. Click the “Register Now” button to reserve your seat or contact [email protected] for more information.