Therapy for Trauma, Codependency & Boundaries in South Carolina & North Carolina
The holidays arrive carrying twinkling lights and invitations — yet for many of us, they also awaken echoes of the past. In families shaped by trauma, the sacred season often re-illuminates the very roles we once played to survive: the caretaker, the people-pleaser, the invisible one, the over-doer. What once kept us safe now leaves us exhausted, disconnected, or numb.
If you’ve done therapy, recovery work, or healing in any form, you may notice: when you gather, show up, laugh and pass the mashed potatoes — you slip into “strong one” mode, even while your body protests. You find yourself scrolling endlessly, drinking too much, overeating to dull the edges. You pick up the fixer role, jump in to save emotions so no one else explodes. You feel guilt for saying no, as though drawing a boundary is abandonment. Or you disappear — emotionally, spiritually — and call it peace. Or you compare your family’s dysfunction to the “ideal holiday” you see online and shrink in shame. You strive for a perfect gathering so nothing falls apart — and silently grieve, unsure if you’re allowed to name the loss, the hurt, the missing pieces.
These behaviours are not failures. They are survival. They are the roles that protected a younger version of you. Today, you get to hold them in compassion — and choose differently.
Naming the Old Roles
It’s helpful to name what’s showing up:
- The Strong One: the one who holds it together so others don’t have to witness the pain.
- The Fixer: the one who manages emotions, conversations, crises — so you feel “safe.”
- The Busy One: the one avoiding grief or loneliness by doing, doing, doing.
- The Perfect One: the one striving so hard for “everything right” you forget to rest.
- The Quiet Griever: the one replaying losses and silences, believing they must hide them.
- The Disconnector: the one caught between showing up and “opt-out,” claiming calm while outside it is turmoil.
When these roles show up at your aunt’s house, around the dinner table, in a flurry of holiday texts, you might feel off — but you are not broken. Your body remembers. Your nervous system whispers what the mind delays. And you — brave adult now — get to listen.
You Can Practice Choosing Differently
Here are ways to shift — gently, kindly, strategically:
- Pause & breathe. The moment you sense the old pattern stirring, take a sip of water. Let your body remember safety.
- Check in with your younger self. Imagine the part of you that once scripted “I’ll hold it together.” Acknowledge: you did the best you could. You are safe now.
- Set boundary landmarks in advance. Before you arrive at holiday gathering: decide on your arrival time, departure time, topics you’ll steer clear of, and one exit strategy.
- Bring a grounded anchor. It could be your journal, a walk outside, a music playlist — whatever brings you back to you.
- Choose new rituals. If the old traditions carry pain, create micro-moments of your own: a quiet cup of tea before bed, a walk around the block, a call with a safe friend.
- Name the roles when they rise. “Here’s the Fixer showing up again.” “Ah, the Busy one.” Naming dissolves shame and invites choice.
- End with a “me and me” moment. Sit quietly. Place a hand on your heart. Breathe in through the nose, slowly out through the mouth. If you can, step outside or open a window. These are the bricks of your foundation. Choosing yourself over the script of old gives you back your home.
If You’re in South Carolina or North Carolina — You’re Not Alone
If your holiday landscape includes unresolved family trauma, codependency, or patterns you thought were “healed” but still loop, know this: help is available. Whether you’re searching for trauma-informed therapy in South Carolina, a Charlotte trauma therapist, or EMDR in Greenville, our network at The Healing Collective holds space for your unique journey. You can also explore more tools in our blog on setting boundaries without guilt. You don’t have to wait until you’re “fully healed” to ask for support. Healing is not about perfection. It’s about presence.
To explore working together, contact Liza, our intake coordinator, to schedule an assessment.
